Did ya miss me?

Dont know if anyone actually read this blog, but if so I have a link to my new blogging spot.

I was never able to sign into this one at work so it never got updated.

Greater Expectations

And Onward

I gave myself a day to really be sad. Then a few days to kinda get him outta my system. I'm good now. I miss him and I'm sad how it went down, but what's done is done. Moving along.
I have been chatting w/ a few new boys. Nothing really to type up here. There was a guy who I was kinda interested in. Seemed promising. He texted me to see what I was doing Friday. I mentioned that me and my BFF where going bowling and he was all excited and wanted to come. So I invited him and he accepted the invite but then Friday morning I texted him w/ no reply. Never heard from him until this morning I woke up w/ a text asking if I had a fb page. I dont really know how I feel. Maybe if he apologized or something.
Theres also this other guy. One I really like a lot. But he has a GF. And I finally told him today that I would not be the one he cheats with. If he is unhappy w/ his GF he can break up w/ her and then I think we would have a lot of fun together. That was a hard thing to do. We def have a strong physical/sexual connection.

Tomorrow I have a much needed eye doctors appt and I think I am going to get contacts again. Either way I need something bc I have noticed these glasses arent cutting it anymore.

What have I done?

Goodness. I sure do know how to solve my problems. Flipped out on Thumper and now I don’t have to worry about heart vs. head bc he made that decision for me by ending it.
Sigh…I wanna leave it at that and come back another day to update the long version of this story. But I wont.
Basically He let me know he had plans Fri/Sat. Ok no problem. Then Sunday I texted twice no response. Hmm ok. Monday we texted. Tuesday also. But something was…off. Right before I went to my lunch break he tells me he had a date w/ someone on Friday and it went really well.
…..!..?!!!???
I will admit that I went kinda spazzy for a few text. But BUT I got a hold of myself and apologized. Unfortunately he is done. He has a zero tolerance for this and I knew that. I don’t know why I even let myself get like that bc I don’t even want a relationship. Oh well… Live and learn.
I am still sad. Very very sad. But that’s because I lost a friend and not just that but bc of the way it went down. I am so embarrassed. I am a 28 and behaved like a 15 yr old. I know I have been in a relationship since I was 17, and technically I never really dated. High School BF from 13-17 then Fat Guy from 17-28. No wonder I cant behave rationally and w/ maturity.
So embarrassed...

I Dont Know...

I am so torn.
Heart vs. Head. The epic battle.
No, I don't wanna get back with Fat Guy. Here's the deal.
Hearts Version - I like being in a relationship. I really like Thumper. He's a cuddlier and so affectionate w/ me. Even tho he's really aggressive in bed as soon as the sex is actually over he is super sweet. Kissy faces and lots of touching/kissing. Its a nice balance. He seems like he'd make a good BF. He has a job, car, house, and hobbies, friends, etc. It makes me sad to think he might be having sex w/ someone else. I need to hear from him everyday.
Head Version - I don't wanna be in another relationship so quickly. I need to be out there enjoying life a little. Who cares if he's having sex w/ other people. I should be too. I don't need him to answer me every minute of every day. No expectations. Just have fun! Let life take you were it takes you. Maybe Philip is the one and if so it will happen. And if he's not who cares.
So on that note.. I have joined a new dating site that seems to be promising so far. And I am now chatting w/ a few boys. Man I like boys, lol.

No Labels

May 26th - I had plans to go hang w/ Thumper once I got off work at 10:30pm. He text me to say he wasnt feeling well and would I hate him if he cancelled. I said I wouldnt hate him but I would be disappointed. But he said he really wasnt feeling great and I never wanna push myself on someone when they dont feel good. I told him to feel better and let me know if things changed. At 10:15 he sent me a text saying he had taken a nap and felt better. He invited me back over but let me know we might not get any action. We could just chill. That was fine w/ me. Altho it further complicates the whole what are we label. Seriously...what are we? And of course I went over there and had a great time.

May 30th - I had a 1/2 day so we planned to hang after work. That night we laid in his bed talking and he was going on about people in bad relationships and why they dont just end it, etc. I felt really bad like I needed to tell him that Fat Guy and I were no longer together but I was so worried about him being weirded out. But I went ahead and broke the news to him. He took it really well actually. He has been an awesome friend and has really listened to me. Its nice. And he even made the comment now he can come see me sometimes. :-)
While we were laying there I also asked if he wanted to go swimming one weekend and we agreed on Saturday. All week I was looking forward to him coming to swim with me and my BFF. Its a little nerve wracking to have the 2 of them meet. I just need them to not hate each other. lol Make my life a WHOLE lot easier.

June 4 - We made arrangements Friday night for me to come get him around 12:30 Sat afternoon, and we made it to my gparents house at 1:30. My BFF's parents where also there so he got to meet them, my gparents and my BFF. We swam for a long time then finally was able to drag him outta the pool and we went and had dinner then back to his place. It was an awesome day. The only thing I was/am slightly eh about was we both crashed in his bed and we woke up at like 2:30 and we had a weird moment of I dont wanna leave but I cant invite myself to spend the night. Meh. I wasnt the end of the world, I went home and its fine but... I would have stayed if he would have asked. Oh well... I'm sure that will come in time. Its only been a month.

Cant wait till next weekend.
:-)

Weightless

Every since I moved into my parents house I have felt so happy. I feel less stressed. I am excited to start this new part of my life. I cant wait to get back into my apartment. I'm already eating less and I dont seem to be bothered by it. LOL Its weird. Being back at my parents is ok. I feel comfortable there. And since its just me there's no one to butt heads with or be put in the middle. My parents love me. Just wish I actually still had my room...dumb little brothers. I dont even have the words to express how I feel right now. Free. Alive. IDK. Whatever it is, I like it.

1 week changes everything

I don't even know where to start. Since my last post I told my husband it was over. For real this time. I feel so bad for how I told him and for flip flopping so many times. Even tho I am a evil horrible person who has no guilt I do understand he has feelings. So I feel bad for that.
I moved into my parents house, in the spare room, this weekend. Its a temporary situation until he can get his own place. That apt is in my name and so I am going to keep it. He has to tell his parents, hopefully they will help him get out and set up.
Things are going well w/ Thumper. We aren't looking to be in a relationship so we are just enjoying each others company. I saw him again this Friday. Met him at his house as soon as he got home from work. Had dinner and spent a lot of time just lounging around his bed/couch. I def enjoy spending time w/ him. Hes very sweet and affectionate. I like it. I think I am doing ok not getting too attached. I just don't want him spending time w/ anyone else. We can be FWB's if I'm the only F he B's.
I did chose to NOT let him know just yet about my husband and I splitting up. I don't want him to think I am doing it for him or something.

An old potential flame just reappeared outta the blue on Thursday also. I met this guy in January and we had clicked. We met the first time and all was well. Then one day...poof. He was gone. Stopped texting. Nothing. I emailed him saying that I deserved an explanation but nope, nada. Then Thursday I logged into my gmail and low and behold theres and email from him w/ some lame excuse about why he fell off the face of the earth. Hmm... We emailed back and forth for awhile. Its obvious what he wants. Sucks for him that he didnt email me sooner. I dont wanna skeezebag around. No thanks.